Cassie Rodgers: An American in Paris!

Today is Tuesday, 17 November 2015. It is marked in my diary as the day I come back to work for OBV.

Scrolling back I see I’ve marked in colourful blue over the weekend ‘Paris trip’.

My planned adventurous weekend in Paris. I and many of my fellow Americans have this unimaginable dream about visiting Paris, perhaps the most romantic city on earth.

But as events unfolded this wasn’t to be the dream visit I or my fellow American friends had envisaged. Far from it.

When I came into work today, OBV’s Simon Woolley offered me the opportunity to write a piece about my experience in Paris on that most infamous night: ‘only if’, he said 'you’re comfortable sharing it with us’. I said I’d give it go.

You know, you’d think putting words on paper, speaking your mind, just letting it flow would be easy. After all I’ve written stuff for school, colleges and for OBV and it's never been a problem. But how do you put into words being in city which underwent its worse terrorist attack since the 2nd World War.

Well to start, I’ll tell you my humble experience. I and five other study abroad students left from London by train around 8pm, eager for the trip ahead. As study abroad students, we do not all have international phone plans, so we heard the news of the attacks on the train through other Parisians sitting around us.

After arriving in Paris, the hysteria of the unknown state of Paris broke out, people were running out of the train station as if being chased or fleeing from something. We had no place to stay, due to the fact that our AirBnb was directly in the one of the areas under attack, and when we looked to the Police officials for guidance, they didn’t know what to say because they didn’t know much more than we had. We ended up staying up all night in a local hotel; the six of us in one room because we couldn’t bare the idea of being split up. By the end of the next day we were leaving Paris to head home.

It’s now been four days and I can’t say that I have fully processed what has happened this past weekend. But i’m recounting this experience certainly not for pity,-many people will have had their lives devasted by losing loved ones- but rather to show you how even those distantly involved in the Paris attacks could be deeply affected.

I can only imagine what those who are more involved are feeling and my heart goes out to those who have lost love ones this past weekend.

Ultimately, this time in Paris showed me so much, while also making me question so much. We all ask ourselves after such tragedies, why it had to happen? How are fellow humans capable of doing such a thing? Why is the world becoming so inhumane? These questions simply are unavoidable with terror.

Being one of a group of six, I saw the way in which each member of my group processed terror. Some friends simply had to break down in the moment, overcome by the fear and sorrow. Others became tough, some-what macho, but also confident, leading the group in decisive decisions. And to be honest, once we were behind closed safe doors, some simply wanted to go on as if there was no terror outside our door.

Part of me wanted to know as much as possible constantly looking outside and watching the news. But now we are safely back in London, we still processing those 48 hour. There a many what ifs? What if our train was two hours earlier? What if we had walked passed one of the restaurants being attacked; what if; what if? Questions we cannot possibly answer.

For me the best way to process and cope with what has happened is to acknowledge the evil that exists in the world, pray for and work for a better future and focus on the good that I saw throughout this experience.

Looking back on my time in Paris, I witnessed so much humanity reacting to the inhumanity of a few. I see the members of my group, a previously dishevelled unit, coming together, insisting that whatever one member of the group does we all do.

I saw Parisians welcoming people into their homes, when they were so filled with alarm and had nowhere else to go. I see the Parisian hotel allowing six of us to stay together, even against their own policy. I see the train stations supplying more trains so we all could get safely home. Most of all, I see how people have come together. Personally, no matter the years that have come between us, friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances reached out to ensure my safety. Globally, the number of vigils and memorials taking place is greatly moving.

I know in times of terror it is so easy to get lost in despair, but out of this horror I choose to see what good there is. I spoke to my aunt after and she said that she hoped that I don’t let this incident hinder my exploration and experience abroad, which to some may seem like an odd thing to say right after these attacks. But she is right.

We as a community need to live and show them that terror will not stop us. We will not overlook what has happened, we won’t ever forget the victims in Paris and our heart won’t stop beating for those family and friends who have lost their love ones, but the best way to honour them, in my opinion, is to overcome terror with life.

Since that Parisian experience I’ve bought books and read articles about ISIS, and the many problems of Syria and the region. I need to know.

But this is also reminded me just how fragile life is , with some places much worse than others. I know now I must live my whole life doing the best I can do, which in many ways is in honour of those lives lost. Through that dark moment I hope my/our humanity will shine.

Please pray for Paris, but not just Paris we should also pray for Syria and the Syrians who are all part of this unfolding tragic story.

Cassie Rodgers